The Sigh of the Desert (A Poem)

>For a moment, that happened
No warm smile that touches the sky
So cold and blue
Feeling like I was in the middle of a desert
So dry


I turned my sight to that path
trying to understand, 
but there was a feeling of guilty inside me
or it was only an illusion?
I saw that rain, but, my skin touched nothing
all were as if the frightening hallucination
of the time in a darkest silent night


I felt down on a river that was so heavenly
but, 
the more I swam into it, the more
the water felt like millions of  nails
they broke my skin slowly till bleeding
and I was almost died for that painful struggling


I waved my hand to the empty air
there was nothing
so empty
is it the feeling of real but does not exist?
I saw that shadow of mine in that surface of cold river
it was looking like it was imagining something
reflecting my own face with no precise details 
as I had in mine
whose face that was?


At last,
I would then live this desert
will there be a rain falling for it?
will the rain turn it into the sweet memories in children’s’ books?
or, it would be the saddest story again as it was always?
will it be a place where all my bones are left unnoticed and perish by the times?
leaving the worse story over that broken window? 
all remain unanswerable
long I had seen that face
the face of the beautiful moon 
smiling like a peace of love
waving its hand to me and said, “please, come here..”


and,
after all these feelings,
I sit down into the hot sand of the desert,
and I knew
that shadow would always be as mine


ah, shadow
wish you always be here
accompanying the faces in the desert
for the time I would be gone
far away no return


(Syayid Sandi Sukandi, February 23, 2011. A 410, looking at my students doing their
final examination)

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